I wrote the below list before this intro and must say I feel much better. "Things that Bother Me .." may have to become a weekly feature on the Carrot. Pretty sure I did a good job of equally offending a plethora of different groups of people. Enjoy.
Things that Bother Me ...
- Minivans - As an outside sales rep and an avid cyclist I spend a lot of time among other drivers. This means I see a shitload of stupidity taking place on America's roads! I would be willing to bet that over 2/3rds of the head shaking acts of idiocy witnessed is perpetrated by a distracted motorist in a minivan. And a minivan ran over and killed my pug puppy 13 years ago. Suck it minivans.
- Boston Globe Hack Brian McGrory for this asinine article stating that cyclists should not be allowed on Boston Streets. Here is his email (firstname.lastname@example.org) if you would like to let him know that he is indeed a douchebag!
- Parents who think their children are gifted geniuses - In most of these occurrences the parents are barely functioning morons so, to be fair, the children might be advanced considering the shallow swamp of a gene-pool they originated from. Most of these conversations start like this, "Little Jimmy is so gifted, he figured out how to walk up stairs already!" And they end like this, "Yeah, Mommy of the Year, you might want to turn around because your future rocket scientist is eating cat shit in the back yard."
- Cats - They just suck.
- FUN, FAIR, POSITIVE SOCCER - First off soccer blows but it blows even worse when the kids leagues do not keep score. Everybody is a winner! Yeah! Let's all go get ice cream now. This teaches kids that mediocrity is acceptable - Bullshit! You think the Chinese have fun, fair, positive soccer? If Ricky Bobby taught us anything it is that if you Ain't First, You're Last.
- People who think I am an asshole because when they ask me this question, "Can I ask you to do me a favor?" and I reply with, "No" and then quickly walk away. It is better to just ask and not give me a chance to get out of doing something I probably do not want to do ... just sayin. Maybe you could learn something from my honesty.
- The overuse of the phrase "Just Sayin ..."
- California - Just a failed social experiment that place turned out to be.
- California Signs Law to Teach Gay History in Schools - Listen, I am all for gay marriage and gay rights. That is not the problem. What the problem is - is that kids have zero idea what the US Constitution or the Declaration of Independence means. They have no idea what type of sacrifices were made by The Greatest Generation or by the Founding Fathers of our nation. Gay history is going to be taught in Social Studies Class - my concern is what is it going to take the place of? Should they ax the Civil War? Maybe modify the length of the chapter on the Great Depression? I am so sick of political correctness dictating what is taught in the classrooms.
- Pittsburgh Steelers All-Pro Linebacker James Harrison - Lovely interview asshat!
- People who still pay with checks - Okay dude, if you are reading this and are thinking, "I still pay with checks because ...." Let me just stop your excuse making self right now. Instead if commenting, log off the computer, get in your car (preferably not a minivan), drive to your bank, and get a freaking Debit Card. Everybody standing behind you at the local grocery store from this point forward will forever be grateful. Go. Now.
- The excruciatingly ridiculous amount of commercials on Versus during every broadcast of Le Tour de France.
- France - This has nothing to do with Le Tour. The Tour is so great that we tolerate the French each and every year during July. The French have always just bothered me. Surprised they haven't surrendered to Mark Cavendish yet?
- Emotional Dudes - Get a hold of yourself Nancy. Crying is for chicks and kids. Man-up and rub some dirt on it. Time to be a little less Dawson Leary and a lot more John Wayne. As a side note - Emotional dudes are probably the main reason California, France and Cats bother me.
If you have things that bother you that I missed please feel free to add them to the comments.
Hope everyone has a great weekend!